One month ago, the sweetest thing happened to my husband and I. One month ago was also one of the scariest and most challenging days we have ever experienced. Everyone has their own unique child birth experience. Some can be quick, and others a long drawn out process. No matter what happens in childbirth, whether people look at your situation and say “that’s common” or “that’s not that big of a deal” in the midst of it you feel like it’s all you can do not to curl up in a ball and want to give up. Now, I know others have struggled more severely than I did. I know others have had other endings to their child birth experience than I did. But I think what we all have in common during this time is that all you can do is trust Jesus when you have no control. In my mind it’s, as Carrie underwood would say, a “Jesus take the wheel” kind of experience. As I know others have struggled more than I did and I am very blessed, in years to come I want my sweet little girl to have a place to come and read about her birth story. So my sweet Jae, this post is for you to always have and know how we felt during your entrance into the world!
One of my amazing nurses gave me the best analogy for childbirth. Childbirth is like a play. You have everything written out scene-by-scene to go perfectly and for some it works out that way and for others the curtain comes crashing down mid scene.
For me, the curtain came crashing down around scene two. As I write this my eyes fill with tears looking back and seeing how present God was during this time.
I felt completely out of control during childbirth. I felt like every turn I took led to a dead end. Looking back and looking at the help the Lord had walk into my delivery room and into the NICU, I know he had a plan for me the entire time. It was a moment where my husband and I had to say it is His timing and not ours. He says “I will never leave you nor forsake you” and let me tell you I may have felt helpless during childbirth, but I was not forsaken.
My story started off that on my exact due date, October 7th. I woke up at 3 in the morning to go the bathroom, and to my surprise my water broke while walking there, thankfully I made it to the tile just in time! So my husband and I quickly grabbed our bags and headed to the hospital.
Once we got there and settled in, I was 2 cm and 70% effaced. We walked up and down the halls for four miles trying to get myself to dilate more. After doing this I got to a 3.
Hours passed and I still wasn’t dilating quickly but I did get to 5cm and that’s where I sat for what felt like forever. I remember being told I was 5cm, then waiting 5 hours to be checked and being retold I was still only 5cm. I was then checked 3 hours later, and still only 5cm. At this point I had heart complications that required an EKG and the cardiologist to come in. Thankfully, my cardiologist was an angel sent straight from Jesus who spoke so sweetly to me and calmed my uncontrollable shaking body and reassured me that he would be watching my heart very closely.
Since my heart rate and pulse were very high, an epidural was ordered and I was put on to try to speed up my dilating process, which didn’t work very well.
At this point my body was shaking so uncontrollably I could not get it to stop. The nurse took my temperature and told me I now had a fever and an infection which also meant my sweet baby had an infection and would have to stay in the hospital for 3 days to be monitored. Once again, I felt helpless and out of control. Not to mention I was still not dilating. My doctor told my husband and I that there was about a 5% chance that this little one would come naturally. So we begged the doctor for a c-section, but she wanted me to try to get to 10cm. Hours and hours passed with the infection and fever still in full force, a sweet baby’s heart rate rising, and still no c-section. Finally it was time to push, so we pushed for 2 hours, which gave me so much respect for moms…it’s hard!!
After pushing, my baby’s heart rate was getting higher and higher, as well as my fever, and my doctor still wouldn’t call for a c-section at about 6:45 in the morning on October 8th. Thankfully, God called for a shift change at 7am and I had a new doctor come into my room who I later found out was the head of all OB and call for my c-section about 5 minutes after seeing me. This is how I know God was there, having the head of OB do my c-section, delivery my baby, and be present in the midst of more complications.
Once the c-section was called the craziness of nurses piling into my room began and I was taken to the operating room with my husband.
At 8:32 our sweet girl was brought into the world and we couldn’t have been more thankful, it was a moment i will never forget as I watched the nurse hold her up and walk her towards my husband and I. At this point I was so happy it was all over and she was here. Thinking my baby was being walked towards me for me to hold, to my surprise my curtain came crashing down again and my sweet girl had stopped breathing due to something called Numo, which is air bubbles in her lungs. My amazing nurses quickly stabilized her and took her and my husband to the NICU to receive more care.
Our baby spent four days In the NICU under the care of what I believe were more angels sent straight from Jesus. These ladies took such good care of her and encouraged me as my new mom life had begun in a way I didn’t imagine it would.
Most babies who have Numo have to be put on oxygen to sustain their breathing, and have to have a needle put into their lungs to draw out the air bubbles. To everyone’s amazement in the NICU our sweet baby never had to be assisted by machines to stabilize her and help her recover. She did it all on her own, or to what I believe, she had the touch of Jesus on her the whole time healing her in only the way He can.
Childbirth was the scariest and most out of control experience I had ever had and taught me even more about trusting Jesus. In the midst of my labor, during multiple complications and needing to be calmed my husband, he put on one of my favorite songs “Good, Good, Father.” As we left the hospital on October 12th with a healthy baby girl I knew for a fact we have a good, good Father.
Over the past month, I’ve continued to see what a “good good Father” we have. Some will say during your childbirth experience “that’s common” or “that happens in labor often” but when you’re in the midst and feel completely helpless you can only trust Jesus. Our sweet girl has been a blessing and the best baby. I am forever thankful for what God taught me through childbirth and for entrusting me with this sweet precious angel! We have loved every minute of this first month with you and can’t wait for every other month to follow! You’re the perfect gift and we are blessed with a healthy, sweet, beautiful baby! You are loved and treasured,Jae, and you always will be!