The past month has been one of the greatest months of our lives. Experiencing a brand new life has been incredible. I think we could stare at this little girl all day. She could do something as simple as raise her upper lip and I’m calling my husband over to look at her. We change her outfit and we’re all huddled around the changing table to see how cute she looks. We burp her after her bottle, and we all cheer when she gives us a “big one,” as we call it. It’s a whole new infatuation. With that infatuation also comes a whole new outlook on life. In the past month my mind has changed on so many levels, and my heart has felt deeper than it ever has.
When I sit and look at my baby, I can’t help but think of the verse “you are fearfully and wonderfully made.” I’ve always believed that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, and now to see God knit this beautiful little girl in my womb and call her worthy is overwhelming. It’s amazing to think He knows every hair in her head, which is a lot. He knows every tear she will shed, every success she will have, every disappointment she may face and will use it all for his glory. God created her because He loved her, and when I say that I’m overwhelmed all over again. He loves something so much that is mine. I’m so thankful He knows her inside and out and takes care of our little girl.
Before having a baby I’d hear of a family who may have lost a child, may have a sick child in this hospital, or a rough family situation happening and I’d always sympathize for them. I would always feel terrible they had to face that, but sadly I didn’t understand it at that level. I feel terrible about that. But now, my heart aches for them. My heart and my mind rush to my little family and I just want to drop to my knees, pray for the provision of the hurting family, and pray for the provision of mine. Although my heart aches in pain for these families, I know what I feel is still nothing compared to what you are feeling. So now, instead of selfishly moving on with my life, I pause and pray for healing and restoration, knowing prayer is the most powerful thing you can do.
Having a baby has made me so aware of my surroundings. Maybe this is just my “new mom” paranoia, but maybe it’s just constantly thinking of the protection of another person. I’m now constantly catching myself slowing down at intersections to make sure no other car is going to come flying through them. I’m looking for puddles so I don’t slip in them while carrying a baby. I’m using hand sanitizer like a mad woman trying to keep this little one from getting sick. I’m sure this is my new mom stage and it may wear off, but I’m thankful God has instilled the need for me to try to protect her the best I can. On the other side of that, there is a point where I have to throw my hands in the air and once again quote Carrie Underwood and let “Jesus take the wheel” and know He is with us each step of the way. He’s there protecting us and has a plan for our lives despite my need to slow down at intersections.
I know I’ve only been a mom for a little over a month now and haven’t experienced heart break during the later moments of motherhood, but I’m beginning to think about how hard they must be. I mean, my little girl becomes upset if she’s too hungry or is over tired and when she gets those big tears, you know the kind I’m talking about, those big crocodile tears, they already tear my heart apart. They crush me and they’re only because of food or sleep! I’m not sure what they will do to my heart when she has her first disappointment, let down or heart break. I have a feeling there will be these moments that I’ll never forget. I need to already be praying how to handle those situations, pull her in close and love her even more.
It’s as simple as that, being a mom makes me happy in a new way I didn’t know. This little girl has brought us so much happiness and we’re so blessed God created this sweet little one just for us!
I’ve only been a mom for six weeks and I am learning each day, living off the grace of God, and trying to tell myself I’m doing the best I can. I know I have much more to learn but I think this little girl is really teaching my heart things it had never known! I wouldn’t want to learn from any sweeter little thing!